The Day Before...

It is only Wednesday, but not just any Wednesday, it is the day before our Thanksgiving!  It is a huge holiday for so many, I too have shopped and am preparing for our family's feast.  I am blessed to have this privilege. I am blessed beyond measure! 

Sleep is eluding me. Why tonight?  I have a lot to accomplish later this day and being rested would be considered a blessing.  However, I have come to know that when this happens, I am to pray and seek the Lord in this wonderful time of silence.  I am always amazed at what I am called to pray for.  This mornings prayers include the following accounts.

Under my roof just now, hopefully sleeping is a beautiful, young single mom whose child is in foster care.  Her heart is broken, she misses him deeply. She is alone though she has blood relations nearby. They do not want her or her child.  Her stomach is bruised because her mother beat her up. She is emotionally bruised as one is when one is rejected by those who should love you.  She has been trapped by some addictions and longs to be free of them.  She is here as she awaits a spot in a rehab center.  She has waited for this time to come since August. She is new in her faith with Jesus and so open to what He is going to do in her next journey. She is a true delight to have here.

In the next block a family mourns because of a suicide.  The situation is so very sad and ugly.  Evil has been unleashed and the innocents are devastated.  I am blessed to see those who love God walking with the most wounded. 

In a hospital nearby, a young mom has been induced to birth her stillborn baby at 4 months.  Sadness upon sadness just in my tiny corner of the world.  

Why of all times do I choose to write about such pain? Should I not be talking about being thankful? Why, because, we each can make the life of another person bearable if we choose to do so.  If we are too busy help another person, then we are too busy.  Each of us need to look around and there is always a need that you can meet.

Do you need that next Starbucks drink or could you buy a gift card(s) to a fast food place and gift a homeless person with a meal?  Check in with a local food pantry to see if you can provide help or money to buy food for that person who won't be feasting at your table.  Pay for the elderly person's groceries ahead of you or behind you.  As you drive by a home that seems to need a repair or two, this family most likely has deeper needs, slip a grocery gift card in their mail box. If your neighborhood does not have poorer homes, drive to one and find a way to bless them!  Ask a school principle if there is a family in the school that could use some help?  The options are so vast and so close by.  

 ...in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Snap out of it!

I have not blogged for a month, plus.  Life is in the fast zone. There are so many balls in the air and dynamics that to put two thoughts together requires more energy than I have had.

Why blog today?  The answer is I need to reflect on questions I do not have good answers to. I need to place them in writing. Perhaps you, the reader can identify with me. 

I know the 'pat' answers I would give myself on a different day, they are actually quite good.  Good if you are emotionally in a 'great' spot.

The countdown to the closure of a known life is rapidly approaching.  We have been blessed to serve our church for 33 years.  It is time to pass the baton to the next pastor who will lead and love our people, our family.

This is where my melancholy has a hold on me this day.  Ministry is hard, it is exhausting, it is a 24/7 job and most of the work is behind the scenes.  Silence is often golden unless someone's toes have been stepped on or a decision has been made that goes against someones grain.  Word is often out, that there is a 'better' program, church style, worship team, group of people, program/activity system, even communicator at the "church of your choice" down the road.  All of this is true but I love our people, and we are blessed by those we serve and serve with!

December 31, Don and I close the final chapter of our time here at Living Grace Community Church.  I do not know how to handle my grief.   I desire to savor each day because I want to live in the moment that the Lord has blessed me with.   I know in my head that all aspects of life have chapter endings.  I know in my head that my God loves me and has great things in store for me, as I walk into this next chapter.  I know that they will be great, because He is in the midst of the journey.  I know, I know, I know...but my heart is trumping my 'logic and what I know to be true'.

Thanksgiving is this week.  I am blessed with more than I deserve.  I am surrounded by people who love me. We as a family know peace in a world where evil reigns and family's are fraught with discord.   I guess I trying to figure out how to 'mourn' a closure and 'savor' what is. 

I will choose to be grateful and choose to focus on the blessings of the day.  I will make my tears ones of gratitude for what has been, sweet memories of a blessed life.  I will trust the Lord that He will hold my hand through this journey.

Yep! I am one of them!

I haven't posted for a few days, for the intense social media noise is deafening.  The Las Vegas shootings, following the NFL anthem boycotts,  the corruption revelations on every front, the sexual exploits of business leaders and politicians, the rancor and the hate towards seemingly everyone and everything, one more blog with words was too much.  Writing down my thoughts seemed too noisy. 

I am a Christian.  This pronouncement is not a popular thing to claim in this climate or world.  My 'label' will get a visceral reaction from those who know nothing of what true Christianity is. The whys are as vast as the human race.  Often those who 'hate' what I believe,  have never taken the time to study for themselves true Christianity. They make their opinions based on 'sound bites' from others and do not think for themselves. They have formed opinions based on people who say one thing but act differently. The hypocrisy of leaders in their past, may have pushed them from seeking God.  They were disappointed in man, as we all will be.   They may have not gotten their way in a religious setting and walked away.  They may have been abused in a religious setting. They base their feelings towards 'religion' and know nothing of a 'relationship with Jesus Christ. He is not a religion. They might have been wounded by a 'christian'  and now lump every Christian into their enemy camp.  They may hate Christianity because they hate God and want to be their 'own' god. They may hate Christianity for all they perceive, is restrictions for things they want to do. No matter the reason, I am sad for the loss in their life. 

Why am I deciding to put my neck in a noose so to speak, declaring what is dear to me?  Because, nothing is more important than people knowing Jesus Christ! He is not a religion.  He hated the religious system!  We are sinners (look at our world), it is not getting better!  He is the antidote to all of the ills of this world.  Of all 'religions' known to man kind, God through Jesus Christ came to draw us to Himself.  He did not leave us guessing whether we would make it to heaven or not. We actually get a choice!!  Performance is not how He works.   He came knowing we were a mess and offered to clean us up.  He does the cleaning up, we cannot do it on our own.  No gimmicks, no hoops to jump through, no lists of 'to dos'.  Jesus Christ did it all.  

In this 'Age of Rage' ( a new description for our times) with talking heads, mostly angry 'talking heads', shouting at each other with a plan for our lives and nothing good happening, where do you put your hope? Do you really believe that one piece of legislation, one set of politicians, is going to change the world?   No government can control the heart of man!  No government can meet your needs!  When all is said and done and you are alone who will you turn too? 

Before you condemn me for being  a follower of Jesus Christ, can I ask that you check His claims of  being God?  I am not an ignorant, mindless worshiper. Jesus Christ changed my life and gave it meaning!  Do yourself a favor.  Check Him out!  Your very eternity depends upon it. He changes lives for the better.  He brings hope!  

(Curious? Suggested reading: Mere Christianity, C S Lewis (former atheist).  A Case for Christ, Lee Strobel, Bible - Start with the book of John or Mark, the index will find your page.)

Kneel or Stand?

I debated on making a statement in this tsunami of opinions about our "Flag".  I am proud that I am an American.  I am not proud of our country right now.  I am grateful for the men and the women who have fought and are fighting for my freedoms!  Grateful beyond words.  There is no other country in which I would choose to live.  I am ashamed of the infantile actions of those who could influence change for good.  Name calling, temper tantrums, revenge, violence of adults is pathetic at best. 

I am sad that we have bottomed out to the point that if I disagree with you, I must now hate you and fight you and disdain you.   The rancor and the shouting, the positioning of sides solves absolutely nothing.   You are screaming so loud no one hears what you are saying.

The irony to me of this 'hot' topic of whether one should or should not kneel or stand or salute our flag is that in our country we have that freedom.  I respect what our flag stands for!  I will stand!  Our country was founded, as people fled from totalitarian governments!  The price of their fleeing was high and every country in the world has a flag that represents what they stand for.  In the United States of America you are free to go elsewhere you are not forced to stay.  When I return from over seas, I am always grateful that our flag is still flying and I am home safe!

The issues are deeper than 'respect' for the flag.  The issues are that these 'kneelers' have no clue about their true freedoms here.  These athletes have more money and influence than the majority of us will ever know.  The color of their skin has not held them back!  They are in amazing positions that can send them to the 'ghettos', the inner city where good role models are needed and encourage young people who need good role models.  Black, White or somewhere in between,  the color of our skin is forgotten when we give back!   They can and should be change agents. Some are. :)

Twice now in Africa, I  have been invited to visit the King of the Western Provence in Zambia. I am a white American, he is a black African there is no white privilege. He likes what we bring to his table (clean water, schools, clinics, agricultural development)  but he controls all of the cards and we are to be used to serve him. 

By our standards his compound and home are very modest and old.  That stated, he is King and has power over my presence in his world.  No one stands above him, we all squat or kneel.  No one turns their back on him, we leave his presence walking backwards.  As a woman I am required to enter through a side door.  Men go in directly.  As a woman I am to wear a long skirt (I had to wrap my shawl around my long pants if I wanted to be in his presence on my last visit).   We kneel and clap 3x.  We proceed a bit further in our kneeling position and repeat the clap.  This is done until we arrive in reception area.  He has power over his people and in general they do not thrive under his rule.   He went to college here in the US and knows our 'casual' ways but demands that we succumb to his, on his turf.  It is demanded!  He is King.  There is no freedom in his presence.

Kneeling is a form of humility and submission.  Standing (as we do with our anthem) is a sign of strength and pride.  Once again we have this whole thing backwards.

Use your voice, your posture, your resources to better man kind.  

Much will be required of everyone who has been given much. And even more will be expected of the one who has been entrusted with more. 

Luke 12:48 (Bible)

The Sounds of Silence

I sit in 'my' chair, in the wee (wee) hours of the morning!  I am not grumbling today over the fact that my bed is in the next room where I should be.  A place where the average person at 4:00 a.m. is soundly sleeping. 

I am savoring the quiet!  The sound of silence is a sweet gift.  The air space outside has no planes zipping over head.  No cars driving by. No TV noise!  No background music noise!  No people noise!  No 'noise'.  

This world is so loud.  I am weary of the 'talking' heads in our world. The chaos of the world that is fed to me 24/7 via media outlets.  Opinions on everything! The cry of those heads telling me what to do and what to think!  Knee jerk reactions of people, to every single event or comment, that draw hate and fear.  Headlines that feed across my 'smart phone' or 'computer' to create curiosity on a subject.  A subject that I check out, only to find that the headlines are twisted words, to pull me into another rant or partial truth or lie!  Noise, lies, hate, fear, angst, gossip, greed are daily fodder that pull us away from what really matters. God!

The folk song from the '60's Sounds of Silence came to mind as I sat down to write.  I rehashed the words, they are sad and empty. However, the silent times in life are really important! God knew our bent towards chaos and the fears that drive us to absurdity. He knew our bent to others opinions and thoughts instead of His.  He knew we needed silence!

As a follower of Jesus Christ, one who truly believes in God and the Bible being His words to us, I must take note and follow His mandate.  "Be still and know that I am GOD."  This simple sentence comes from a Psalm that describes our world today.  I am a simple human being, here on this earth for a brief time and then I get eternity with my creator.  

I close this days blog with an entire message from God to us. This message was written thousands of years ago, but it speaks to today.   I am guessing there will be some who read this and their rant against life will continue.  God's ways are so above my 'pay grade' that I humbly submit to my human status and trust God to carry me through. I am grateful for this time of silence to be reminded that God is my refuge and my strength. 

Psalm 46 (TLB)

"God is our refuge and strength, a tested help in times of trouble. And so we need not fear even if the world blows up and the mountains crumble into the sea.  Let the oceans roar and foam; let the mountains tremble!

There is a river of joy flowing through the city of our God—the sacred home of the God above all gods. God himself is living in that city; therefore it stands unmoved despite the turmoil everywhere. He will not delay his help. The nations rant and rave in anger—but when God speaks, the earth melts in submission and kingdoms totter into ruin.

The Commander of the armies of heaven is here among us. He, the God of Jacob, has come to rescue us.

Come, see the glorious things that our God does, how he brings ruin upon the world  and causes wars to end throughout the earth, breaking and burning every weapon. “Stand silent! Know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation in the world!”

The Commander of the heavenly armies is here among us! He, the God of Jacob, has come to rescue us!"

Road Ahead - Unclear

Once again this entry is being written at an hour I usually desire to be sleeping.   My brain is clicking off thoughts like a bullet train racing through towns.  I don't trust the thoughts to be around in the day light, so here I am.

The path to the next chapter in our lives is nearing a major fork in the road.  The past couple of years have been 'quiet' times for me in terms of measuring accomplishments. My family had grown.  My business closed, leadership responsibilities quietly closed and how I measured who I am seemed to be shelved.

As 'retirement' age raced upon us, this term and cultural chapter caught me off guard.  Now what?  "What next?", is how I am wired.  There should always be a 'next'.  Another day and another adventure,  another reason for getting up each day and doing life.  Life is meant to have meaning and purpose.  I wanted 'life' to be on my terms.  Being still before the Lord has been very hard.

As the calendar pages turn quickly, the known is slipping away and the unknown  approaches!  In less than 3 months we change hats.  For the past year I have been, moping and worried. I have been scared and uncertain.  I have been mourning the 'good byes' to what has been a known and not embracing what is to come. My logic reminded me that I really do like change.  My logic told me I was not to worry, God has been more than faithful to me (us).  My logic told me that worry robbed me of the joys of the day or moment.  My emotions seemed to override the 'logic' for too long.  Where was my faith in God?

In the past month God has begun to answer my longings and prayers.  I love a term  I have  coined 'connecting the God dots' when I reflect on my life.  Today, the dots keep popping up and God is showing me He has heard my pleas and knows my fears.  I have yet to see how the dots will connect to create the bigger picture but I know there is movement and He has me covered.

I will connect some of the dots in the days to come.  They are exciting! I doubt that this side of eternity I will ever see the completed picture but I love that some of the dots seem to be making sense.  They truly are God's plans for they are impossible apart from Him. 

Oh Lord, You are shield for me, 

my glory and the lifter of my head!

Psalm 3:3

Uncharted Territory

Hello!  Why am I awake?  I am not a night owl!  I am a morning person.  Not a 1:30 a.m. morning person. A sunrise, 'hello world', morning person.

Of late, my sleep patterns are not to my liking.  But rather than toss and turn I decided to get up and do some writing and reflecting.  No noise, no interruptions, just quiet silence.

It has been almost 3 months since my last blog post.  3 months, but in that time frame my life has sifted quickly and the count down to major life changes has accelerated!  For most of my life, now 67 years, change has been something I thrived upon.  Sometimes the change could be major but even a simple recipe adjustments to 'shake' up a traditional dish would enter my world.  Status quo did not seem to suit me.  Adventure and change were always before me.

This shared,  I have come to realize that I embrace change if, I 'feel' that I have control over those changes.  2017, changes were thrust upon me and 'control' or perceived control was taken from me.  I have not embraced these changes easily.  My faith was weak.  Unfounded fears popped up.  A whirlpool of emotions gripped unlike anything I have experienced.  I was caught off guard and shaken by these emotions! 

As the calendar pages turn and father time moves quickly for me,  I am about embark on a life chapter that is unscripted by me, but the Lord has His finger prints all over it. (He always has!)

I marvel at  simple 'choices' I thought I had made a couple years back and realize now (again) that God was the 'choice' maker. He was setting a course of what was to 'be' in my life and Don's life.  It is wild and mind boggling but exciting to know that He has 'me' covered for what is to come.

I will unpack and pack, in the months ahead 'a lot'.  I am about to chart a course that does not have 'path' known to me.  I do not know how many days I have left on this earth, no one does.  I do know that I long to make them count. I do know that at 67 I have fewer days ahead on this earth than I have behind me.   I also know that my creator, has the path laid out.  I know my life is in for some new 'flavors'.  My prayer is that I will end well and honor the Lord with what is to come.

Variety is the very spice of life that gives it flavor." Wm Cowper