Snap out of it!

I have not blogged for a month, plus.  Life is in the fast zone. There are so many balls in the air and dynamics that to put two thoughts together requires more energy than I have had.

Why blog today?  The answer is I need to reflect on questions I do not have good answers to. I need to place them in writing. Perhaps you, the reader can identify with me. 

I know the 'pat' answers I would give myself on a different day, they are actually quite good.  Good if you are emotionally in a 'great' spot.

The countdown to the closure of a known life is rapidly approaching.  We have been blessed to serve our church for 33 years.  It is time to pass the baton to the next pastor who will lead and love our people, our family.

This is where my melancholy has a hold on me this day.  Ministry is hard, it is exhausting, it is a 24/7 job and most of the work is behind the scenes.  Silence is often golden unless someone's toes have been stepped on or a decision has been made that goes against someones grain.  Word is often out, that there is a 'better' program, church style, worship team, group of people, program/activity system, even communicator at the "church of your choice" down the road.  All of this is true but I love our people, and we are blessed by those we serve and serve with!

December 31, Don and I close the final chapter of our time here at Living Grace Community Church.  I do not know how to handle my grief.   I desire to savor each day because I want to live in the moment that the Lord has blessed me with.   I know in my head that all aspects of life have chapter endings.  I know in my head that my God loves me and has great things in store for me, as I walk into this next chapter.  I know that they will be great, because He is in the midst of the journey.  I know, I know, I know...but my heart is trumping my 'logic and what I know to be true'.

Thanksgiving is this week.  I am blessed with more than I deserve.  I am surrounded by people who love me. We as a family know peace in a world where evil reigns and family's are fraught with discord.   I guess I trying to figure out how to 'mourn' a closure and 'savor' what is. 

I will choose to be grateful and choose to focus on the blessings of the day.  I will make my tears ones of gratitude for what has been, sweet memories of a blessed life.  I will trust the Lord that He will hold my hand through this journey.