The Day Before...

It is only Wednesday, but not just any Wednesday, it is the day before our Thanksgiving!  It is a huge holiday for so many, I too have shopped and am preparing for our family's feast.  I am blessed to have this privilege. I am blessed beyond measure! 

Sleep is eluding me. Why tonight?  I have a lot to accomplish later this day and being rested would be considered a blessing.  However, I have come to know that when this happens, I am to pray and seek the Lord in this wonderful time of silence.  I am always amazed at what I am called to pray for.  This mornings prayers include the following accounts.

Under my roof just now, hopefully sleeping is a beautiful, young single mom whose child is in foster care.  Her heart is broken, she misses him deeply. She is alone though she has blood relations nearby. They do not want her or her child.  Her stomach is bruised because her mother beat her up. She is emotionally bruised as one is when one is rejected by those who should love you.  She has been trapped by some addictions and longs to be free of them.  She is here as she awaits a spot in a rehab center.  She has waited for this time to come since August. She is new in her faith with Jesus and so open to what He is going to do in her next journey. She is a true delight to have here.

In the next block a family mourns because of a suicide.  The situation is so very sad and ugly.  Evil has been unleashed and the innocents are devastated.  I am blessed to see those who love God walking with the most wounded. 

In a hospital nearby, a young mom has been induced to birth her stillborn baby at 4 months.  Sadness upon sadness just in my tiny corner of the world.  

Why of all times do I choose to write about such pain? Should I not be talking about being thankful? Why, because, we each can make the life of another person bearable if we choose to do so.  If we are too busy help another person, then we are too busy.  Each of us need to look around and there is always a need that you can meet.

Do you need that next Starbucks drink or could you buy a gift card(s) to a fast food place and gift a homeless person with a meal?  Check in with a local food pantry to see if you can provide help or money to buy food for that person who won't be feasting at your table.  Pay for the elderly person's groceries ahead of you or behind you.  As you drive by a home that seems to need a repair or two, this family most likely has deeper needs, slip a grocery gift card in their mail box. If your neighborhood does not have poorer homes, drive to one and find a way to bless them!  Ask a school principle if there is a family in the school that could use some help?  The options are so vast and so close by.  

 ...in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Snap out of it!

I have not blogged for a month, plus.  Life is in the fast zone. There are so many balls in the air and dynamics that to put two thoughts together requires more energy than I have had.

Why blog today?  The answer is I need to reflect on questions I do not have good answers to. I need to place them in writing. Perhaps you, the reader can identify with me. 

I know the 'pat' answers I would give myself on a different day, they are actually quite good.  Good if you are emotionally in a 'great' spot.

The countdown to the closure of a known life is rapidly approaching.  We have been blessed to serve our church for 33 years.  It is time to pass the baton to the next pastor who will lead and love our people, our family.

This is where my melancholy has a hold on me this day.  Ministry is hard, it is exhausting, it is a 24/7 job and most of the work is behind the scenes.  Silence is often golden unless someone's toes have been stepped on or a decision has been made that goes against someones grain.  Word is often out, that there is a 'better' program, church style, worship team, group of people, program/activity system, even communicator at the "church of your choice" down the road.  All of this is true but I love our people, and we are blessed by those we serve and serve with!

December 31, Don and I close the final chapter of our time here at Living Grace Community Church.  I do not know how to handle my grief.   I desire to savor each day because I want to live in the moment that the Lord has blessed me with.   I know in my head that all aspects of life have chapter endings.  I know in my head that my God loves me and has great things in store for me, as I walk into this next chapter.  I know that they will be great, because He is in the midst of the journey.  I know, I know, I know...but my heart is trumping my 'logic and what I know to be true'.

Thanksgiving is this week.  I am blessed with more than I deserve.  I am surrounded by people who love me. We as a family know peace in a world where evil reigns and family's are fraught with discord.   I guess I trying to figure out how to 'mourn' a closure and 'savor' what is. 

I will choose to be grateful and choose to focus on the blessings of the day.  I will make my tears ones of gratitude for what has been, sweet memories of a blessed life.  I will trust the Lord that He will hold my hand through this journey.